Savior
by Elenea Galad
Summary: A three part story in which Dean, Gabriel, and Crowley face losing the one that saved them in a time when being alone was more terrifying than dying. Destiel/Sabriel/Crobby
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **_This story contains gay/slash fiction. WARNING: Explicit Nudity/Sex_

_A three-part story about Dean, Gabriel, and Crowley and how they find their respective saviors in a time when being alone is worse than dying._

* * *

**Part 1: Dean**

* * *

**Chapter 1: An Unexpected Dream**

* * *

_The light pooled through the trees, dappling the ground softly and turning the forest into an estranged wonderland. He could hear the babbling of a brook nearby, soft noises that could be a deer…or a Wendigo. _

"_There are no such things here." _

_Dean spun around before relaxing at the sudden sight of Castiel just behind him. _

"_Dammit, Cas, can't I have a single dream to myself?" _

_Castiel looked around himself at the woods. "I'd like to think that our relationship has progressed so that if I needed to speak with you, I would not have to invade your dreams."_

_Frowning, Dean took a step back. The angel still had a thing to learn about personal space. _

"_So, you're not in my dream? I'm having a dream about you?" _

"_It appears that way." _

"_Why would I have a dream about you?" _

_Cas sighed. "I assure you, I do not know."_

"_That helps," Dean tossed up his hands turning around. "Don't I get enough of you during the day? Sleep is for sleeping and dreaming about half-naked women…"_

_Cas looked confused then down, as if Dean had somehow hurt his feelings. "I see." _

"_No, Cas…" Dean sighed. "I didn't mean it like that." _

_Castiel looked up at him and something crossed his face for a moment, too fleeting for Dean to read it and he found himself stepping closer to the angel, trying to see what Cas didn't want him to see. Then Cas was kissing him and nothing else mattered. _

_Dean felt Cas push him back against a tree, his nimble hands already working at Dean's belt and jeans. Dean felt his body responding before he could even work in a word of protest, why would he protest? Cas was pushing his jeans and boxers down and Dean couldn't stop himself from moaning against the angel's lips. _

"_I'm sorry," he heard Castiel whisper and then Castiel was kneeling before him, was he going to…?_

"Dean, wake up!"

Dean bolted awake, nearly falling off the shabby bed in the process. Sam gave him a look of relief from across the room, the laptop's glow the only light. He stretched and reached across to turn on the bedside lamp. "What?" he asked groggily.

"You were making weird noises. I thought you were having a nightmare."

"No…just a really weird dream."

"Clowns or midgets?" Sam asked, his lips twitching in a quirky smile.

"Weirder." Dean shook his head as he sat up. "Find anything?"

"Yeah, actually." Sam offered, turning back to the laptop. "Turns out there used to be schoolhouse on that hill outside of town. 30 kids plus the teacher burned down when some guys got drunk, locked them in, and set it on fire."

Dean rubbed his face, the images of his dream still fresh in his mind, unfazed. _Why…Castiel?_

"Castiel?"

Dean looked up, spotting the angel his brother had just addressed standing across the room.

"Do you need something?"

Sam shook his head. "No, it's turning into a typical 'salt-and-burn.' Why?"

"I thought I heard my name."

Sam glanced to Dean before slowly shaking his head but Dean quickly got to his feet.

"Yeah, that was me. I had this…really weird dream and you were there and…that wasn't you, was it?"

"I would like to think our relationship has progressed to the point that if I needed to speak with you, I would not need to invade your dreams."

Dean blinked in surprise. "Dream you said something really similar to that."

"I assure you, it was not me."

Dean nodded. "I believe you. Just…if you get the urge, don't."

Castiel looked confused and for a moment, Dean thought he looked hurt, as if the idea that he would betray Dean's trust like that was inconceivable.

"No, Cas, I didn't mean it like that."

_No, Cas…I didn't mean it like that. _

_Castiel looked up at him and something crossed his face for a moment, too fleeting for Dean to read it and he found himself stepping closer to the angel, trying to see what Cas didn't want him to see. Then Cas was kissing him and nothing else mattered. _

Castiel and Sam were both looking at him strangely and Dean shrugged. "I'm…um…gonna check on the car."

He slipped past Cas and headed out, the door slamming shut behind him. Cas had turned to watch him leave, his eyes sad. After a long moment, he blinked and looked to Sam.

"So I am not needed?"

"Not unless you want to help dig up a grave."

When Sam looked around himself at the now empty room, he laughed lightly. "Yeah, me neither."

Dean stood outside, leaning against the Impala. He rubbed at his eyes. The dream hadn't faded yet, it was still stark and clear in his mind. It was odd, he could recall every detail. He shook his head, putting it out of his mind. It was just a weird dream, nothing else.

He was unaware that Castiel stood a few feet away, invisible to his human eyes. Castiel watched him torment himself over the dream, wishing he could catch more than the bare glimpses Dean's psyche provided. He knew that Dean did not like it when he spied on his thoughts but Dean didn't understand that trying to ignore a human's thoughts, particularly one as emotional as he, was like trying to ignore a jet engine when standing directly next to one.

He wanted to say something, anything, but he couldn't bear what Dean might say. Already Dean was putting it out of his mind, forgetting the idea, the possibility…

Castiel ran.

Across the world in an instant, Castiel found himself in the high peaks of the Himalayas but he barely felt the cold. His tears froze on his cheeks as he shook. How could any being bear this pain? To watch someone they love, to give everything for them, and to be dismissed so easily? He didn't even know what Dean had dreamed about but that it had been about him and Dean did not want the dream to return.

* * *

Every night for the next couple weeks, Dean dreamed of Castiel. And not just _of_ Castiel, he dreamed of having sex with him. It varied in time and place and…position…but it was always Castiel. The angel always looked at him so possessively that he felt if another one of his dream lovers might try to encroach, the angel would send them to perdition in a handbag. What bothered him wasn't that he was now randomly having sex dreams about a certain angel but that he was now starting to look forward to them.

So every night, he'd crawl into bed or try to catch a few hours in the back of the Impala while Sam drove, and sure enough before the night was over, Castiel would ride him. Or he'd ride Castiel. Now those were really interesting dreams as he wondered how the hell his subconscious came up with the sensations he was feeling. Or was he just imagining what angel dick felt like?

And the worst part was he had a growing feeling that Castiel knew what was going on. The angel usually stopped by to check in on them at least a couple times a week and now he hadn't been back in almost two. Not since that first dream and Dean wondered if Castiel was avoiding him.

"I'm worried about Castiel," Sam said softly, seeing he was awake. The road was dark, lit only by their headlights and Dean sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Hm?"

"Well, he hasn't been by lately. That's not like him."

"He's an angel, Sam. Maybe he has angel stuff to do."

"Maybe we should call him. Just to make sure he's okay."

"And how is that going to look, calling him for no reason? What if he _is_ busy?"

Sam sighed. "We went through this last time. Wouldn't you rather know if something's bothering him so that maybe we can help? Especially after all he's done for us."

Dean sighed, silently giving in to his brother's logic. He was just nervous about facing the angel after the incessant dreams he'd been having.

"Sure. Whatever this job is, we'll call him."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

* * *

_Dear Castiel…we have a bug…issue and we need…_

Dean's voice reached him in the wind and he sought them out through the folds and faces of the world, finding them at Bobby's. He appeared in the center of the room before Dean had even finished his sentence. For a moment, Castiel tried to determine how much time had passed since he'd last seen the boys. At least a week, possibly more; he lost track of time so easily here on earth when an instant could last hours. He looked at Sam who was explaining something to him then Bobby spoke and none of it seemed important.

"Dude…you're covered in ice."

Castiel looked down, the snow from his jacket melting into a puddle on the floor. "Yes, it was…cold…where I was."

Dean looked confused and Sam sighed. "Well, we could use your help, Cas."

"Yes, of course," Castiel agreed, not even sure to what he was agreeing. "What do you need me to do?"

Dean clapped him on the shoulder. "Kick door in. Kill monster."

"Yes, of course." Castiel nodded.

They'd spent the past few months picking off the last remaining demons that had come through the gate. He wondered how the boys would take the decrease in mortal peril, sliding back into the mundane jobs they'd started out doing. Like tonight, hunting down a mogget and her nest.

He rode in the backseat of the Impala quietly. Sam was discussing their plan. Attack from three fronts, burn it all down. Outside, Sam was all business but on the inside, he was wondering the same thing Castiel was. What would they do when tracking down demons wasn't so easy? When a demonic possession was the rarity, not the commonplace? He turned to Dean, wondering what he was thinking about the situation. He got a lot more than he expected.

_Their naked bodies entwined, flesh against flesh, skin slick with sweat. He reached up, tangling his hands in black hair, pulling his lover down to his lips. He groaned softly, exploring his lover's mouth with his tongue. His lover arched against him and he ran his hands over the firm, distinctly male chest…feeling the scars from the battle so long ago, so familiar…_

"_Castiel…"_

Castiel was suddenly aware he was staring wide-eyed and open-mouthed at the back of Dean's head. Dean shook his head, unaware of the attention, and continued driving.

_Great, now Cas is back and I still don't know why I keep dreaming about having sex with him. And great, now I've got a boner. Hope Sam doesn't notice. _

Castiel barely suppressed a whimper. Luckily, Sam was paying more attention to the road than his brother's…new erection. But Dean…Dean was dreaming about him. Had been. Repeatedly. How long had he been gone? How often did Dean dream of him?

_Dean is attracted to me!_

The proof was in Dean himself and Castiel felt strangely giddy with relief. After all this time, all those years of hiding his affection for Dean, always fighting, always there…even if it was only sexual, for however short a time it lasted, there was a chance he could know what it was like to love Dean Winchester and be loved in return.

After they'd burned down the mogget's nest, Dean and Sam decided not to waste what they called a 'beautiful summer night' and sleep outside. They built a small fire a little ways away from the road, the Impala parked beneath a tree, and sat around it for a little while. Sam and Dean joked, telling stories to Cas about each other, more for each other than for him since he was paying little attention. He was more amazed at how in depth the human mind could be. Dean would be retelling something he and Sam did as children but thinking about how he almost lost Sam to Lucifer. For Sam, it was the same. They relived their worst memories as they told their happiest.

After a while, the stories died and they listened to the sound of the woods around them: soft crickets, the snap of a twig beneath a deer's hoof, and the nearly silent flutter of wings in the night.

_Well, he is kinda attractive in that rugged…soft…kind of way…his skin looks soft, kinda glow-y against the fire…_

It took all Castiel had not to stiffen in sudden awareness that he was being "checked out" by Dean. He actually took a moment to verify that Sam was asleep and it was definitely not Sam's thoughts he was hearing.

_There are definitely worse angels I could have a crush on. Doesn't make this any less weird. _

Feeling strangely devious, Castiel sighed as if he were worn from the day and unaware that Dean was still awake. He pointedly didn't look towards Dean but pulled off the tan overcoat, letting it slouch to the ground behind him. He slowly untied the blue tie and unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt. He gave a soft groan, rubbing the back of his neck as if sore and stretched his head to one side, letting his hand slip slowly, casually, down his chest.

…_.damn…_

Castiel 'casually' noticed Dean watching him. "You can sleep, Dean. I will keep watch. No harm will come to you tonight."

_...right_…

"Yeah, night, Cas."

Cas resumed his silent watch of nothing as Dean rolled over, pulling his jacket over himself. Shortly, he fell asleep. Then the real fun began.

At first Dean's dreams were as normal as they could be, fleeting instants of vague memories or conjured oddities and Castiel shadowed them all, hoping, daring for a glimpse of what Dean saw of him. Then he found himself looked at a copy of the very evening they had just finished. Himself, Sam, and Dean all curled up around the fire. He watched as Dean remembered the way he'd attempted a seductive pass, letting the coat slip from his shoulders, unbuttoning his shirt. He heard himself say again…

"You can sleep, Dean. I will keep watch. No harm will come to you tonight."

But this time, Dean, or rather his dream self, got to his feet. "You should watch yourself, not me."

Then Dean was pushing him to the ground, buttons popping as he tore the angel's shirt open, kissing him roughly. Castiel saw himself respond in kind, pulling Dean's shirt over his head, running his hands down Dean's chest and Castiel was suddenly firmly aware that he was jealous…of himself. Dean was working on his belt and slid a hand down the front of dream Castiel's pants and the real Castiel gave a petulant whimper.

Dean froze, looking off into the woods, down at Sam, then back out into the woods. Castiel jerked himself out of the dream as quickly as he could, in his haste he overcompensated for the physical return and ended up flat on his back, toppled over the log he'd been sitting on.

"Cas?" he heard Dean's sleepy voice. "Cas, are you okay?"

Cas started to sit up then became aware that Dean was kneeling over him and he was suddenly rendered speechless. Dean seemed to have noticed the similarity between his dream and the now reality and they lay there, staring at one another.

_I could kiss him. I could kiss him right now and no one would know. Well, except me. And him. And he'd probably smite me or something. But I could. Right now._

Castiel stared, trying not to look hopeful…or eager…or desperate. _Do it, Dean. Do it. Kiss me. Kiss me please. Do it._

"Cas…"

"I am fine, Dean. You should rest."

"Right…"

Dean looked at him, confused, before he went back to his side of the fire. Castiel was suddenly aware of how hard his heart was pounding.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Losing You**

* * *

Castiel stayed up the remainder of the night, watching over the Winchesters as they slept. It was shortly before dawn when Sam was woken by the buzzing of his cell phone. Castiel took the moment to disappear to the next town over, stopping at a diner and buying breakfast for the boys with some of the cash left in Jimmy's wallet.

By the time the food was ready, the boys were on the road, heading south. Castiel steered himself to the back seat of the Impala.

"Good morning."

Sam jumped in his seat and Dean swerved slightly but got the car back under control.

"Cas! Where the hell did you go?"

Castiel held up the bag as offering. "Breakfast?"

"Awesome, I'm starved."

Castiel almost laughed at the way Dean reached for the bag. Sam took it from him, divvying up what he had bought.

"Cas, there's only enough for two,"

"I do not need to eat," The angel said softly, oddly content with his morning. He was an angel of the Lord in the backseat of a '67 Impala, trailing two human hunters like a pet dog, was highly considering sleeping with one of them, and it was probably one of the best mornings he'd had in a long time.

"Cas," Sam asked quietly. "Are you okay?" Castiel realized he had a stupid quiet smile on his face as he watched the world pass by through the window. He turned to Sam, still smiling.

"I am okay." He said firmly, nodding with the same quiet smile, and turning back to the window.

Dean was happily shoveling down his sandwich but Sam sighed. "Well, Bobby called, he thinks there might be some demon activity a couple states over. Are you coming?"

Castiel smiled. "It sounds like fun."

Sam nodded, still watching him oddly.

_Cas seems different today. He actually looks…happy. _

Cas' smile grew ever so slightly. He was happy. Sam opened his laptop to do research and Dean turned on the radio. Cas let his head rest against the window, watching the scenery as it passed by.

Hours passed and the miles with them and if not for Dean's singing, it would've been quiet.

"Cas, I don't think you've ever ridden along with us this long. Like, actually in the car."

Cas lifted his head from the window, looking up into the mirror at Dean. "I can leave."

"No!" Dean said quickly, shaking his head. "No, it's actually…kinda nice. I just didn't think…you used to complain about car rides."

Cas looked out the window, thoughtful for a moment. "I think it is peaceful now. So much of my life has happened so fast. It is nice to simply sit and be."

Dean nodded. "Sounds nice."

"I also do this more often than you realize though usually without company. Or I used to."

Dean glanced at him in the mirror. _Used to?_

"You okay, Cas?"

"You keep asking me that." Castiel answered with a smile.

"Are you?"

Castiel's smile grew a bit broader. "Yes."

"Well, there's definitely a demon there, maybe more." Sam interrupted. "There's demonic omens all over the town. We'll have to scope it out once we get there but…"

"I will find it." Castiel said shortly, and a moment later the backseat was empty.

Dean sighed, settling back into his seat and Sam cut the music down.

"What's up with Cas?"

Dean glanced over at his brother. "What do you mean?"

"He seems…happy."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, not necessarily," Sam tried to explain, wondering why Dean was suddenly defensive. "It's just not…Cas. Normal for him is neutral. I don't think we've seen him actually happy when he wasn't like…under influence of something or someone."

Dean shrugged. "Why do we have to give him the third degree because he's happy? Maybe he's just happy."

Sam sighed. "Forget it."

"I'm just saying, just because it's not natural doesn't mean it's supernatural."

"No," Sam laughed. "There's nothing supernatural about an angel of the Lord who can fly, teleport, and waste demons with his bare hands."

"Nope, not at all." Dean teased good-naturedly.

"Shut up," Sam laughed.

* * *

It didn't take Castiel long to figure out where the demons were hiding. There were eight of them, low level demons banded together in an effort to withstand the force of hunters sweeping across the nation in the wake of the apocalypse. He did a quick survey of the land and warehouse. They didn't even sense him moving among them and then he headed back to find the Winchesters at a gas station on the edge of town. The sun was beginning to set and Dean was topping off the Impala's tank.

"They are at a warehouse on the south side of town."

Dean jumped, spinning around. "Cas, when you poof back, can you aim a little bit further back? It is creepy when you pop up right behind me."

"Yes, I see." Castiel agreed.

"Now what were you saying about the demons?"

Sam walked up behind Dean, looking up from his purchases to see Castiel had rejoined them.

"They are stationing themselves in a warehouse on the south side of town. There are eight low-level demons. They did not notice my surveillance. I can take you there."

"Well, let's find some place to stay first." Sam suggested as Cas reached towards them and Dean nodded, the two of them piling back into the car. Castiel sighed, he was itching to get to the battle.

_For once I want to sleep in a bed that isn't infested with…something. _It was Sam complaining. Dean was singing song lyrics in his head to the beat he tapped on the steering wheel.

"Come on, Cas!"

Castiel sighed again, slipping into the back seat. "As you wish."

He closed the door behind him, tapping his fingers on his knee as he looked straight forward.

_Looks like Cas is back to normal._

Dean's thoughts were quiet…but sad.

They got a motel room and Castiel led them to the warehouse. They were quiet now and Castiel surveyed their surroundings as Dean and Sam loaded up on weapons from the trunk, making sure each gun was fully loaded. Dean slid the knife into his belt and Sam tucked the Colt into his waistband. Castiel looked back at them, suddenly aware of his fondness for the brothers and what he would do to protect them.

"Sam, go around the north side. There will be a staircase leading to the catwalks. There are three keeping watch up there."

Sam nodded, pumping the shotgun and looking to Dean.

"Dean, go in the south side door."

"Where are you going?"

"Center."

Dean and Sam looked at each other and nodded, both heading off in their respective directions.

Inside, a young woman was tied to a chair, weeping as a blonde demon walked a circle around her. Two black-haired thugs watched her, laughing as they drank heavily, the stench of alcohol thick in the air.

"Oh God," the captive cried out when the blonde cut into her skin. "Oh please, Lord, help me."

She prayed earnestly, the thin gold cross hanging out of what was left of her shirt. It tugged at Castiel's soul and he moved.

"Whoa, where the hell did he come from?"

Castiel looked up, standing directly behind the weeping woman. The blonde demon stepped back quickly.

"Who are you?"

Castiel laid a hand on the woman's shoulder. "The Lord has heard your prayers. I am the angel, Castiel. You are safe."

The blonde demon swung forward, stabbing the knife into his chest and Castiel smirked, taking her by the arm and tossing her into the wooden beams which splintered upon impact. Her two thugs raced towards him and Castiel shoved one to the side where he met with Dean bursting through the door, plunging the knife into the demon's throat. Castiel shoved the other to the ground, light shining from his hand, the demon screaming as he died.

The retort of the Colt was heard above them and Castiel smiled. A brunette came running down the stairs then froze at the sight of himself and Dean. She lifted her head and black smoke started to pour out of her but Cas caught her before she could flee, smiting her easily.

"Damn, this is starting to get easy," Dean laughed, wiping blood from his cheek.

He bent and slit the woman's ropes. She took one look at them both and took off running for the door.

"What? No thanks?" Dean called after her then shrugged. "Whatever."

He turned back to Castiel who was watching him, amused, and his eyes widened.

"Cas, look out!"

Castiel spun in time to see the blonde demon for an instant before she stabbed him in the chest once again, this time with a tiny triangular blade. He felt the wound burn in a way that the previous wound had not.

"Burn in hell, feathers," She hissed.

Dean surged around him, slitting her throat and she burned before them.

"Cas, are you okay?"

Castiel pulled the blade out and felt his stomach turn as his blood mixed with a clear liquid on the blade, turning it black.

"Poison,"

"Poison? Can you be poisoned?"

"Yes." Castiel said shortly, pulling his shirt open. Already he could see it turning his veins black, pumping slowly through his system.

"What do I do?" Dean asked quickly. "How do I stop it?"

Castiel looked up and felt his world spin. He started to fall and Dean surged forward, catching him around the chest and Castiel's arms fell around his shoulders.

"Talk to me, Cas. What's the cure?"

"There is no cure. I am going to die." Castiel finished weakly, looking up at Dean, inches from his face.

Dean shook his head. "No. No, no, no, no…I won't let you. Tell me what to do, Cas, tell me what you need. There has to be something, anything I can do."

Castiel looked up at him. They had come so close, he had come so close…his body felt so heavy, his vision blurring. He slid a hand through Dean's hair, pulling him closer and Dean lowered his head willingly. Maybe it was his suddenly spotty vision but he swore he saw tears in Dean's eyes.

"Just one thing."

He stretched himself up to press his lips against Dean's. He felt Dean stiffen in surprise then his grip tightened around the angel, pulling him close, kissing him fiercely, passionately.

Dean couldn't believe he was kissing Castiel, _really_ kissing the _real_ Castiel and Castiel hadn't turned him into ash yet. Then he felt Castiel start to pull away from him and he went limp in his arms, jerking him back into the now.

"Cas? CAS!"

Sam came running down the stairs, splattered with blood. "Dean! What happened?"

"That demon bitch poisoned him with something!" Dean snapped, gathering Castiel into his arms. Sam looked at the wound, the puncture already turning black.

"Get him in the car. I'll call Bobby."

Sam ran ahead, opening the door as Dean hurried after, carrying Castiel against his chest. He climbed into the back seat, cradling Castiel in his arms. The angel had broken into a sweat and was beginning to shiver. Dean shucked off his jacket and laid it over Castiel as Sam climbed into the driver's seat, starting the engine, fishtailing onto the highway.

"Stay with me, Cas," Dean worried, smoothing the angel's hair back away from his face. Sam glanced back at them in the mirror and put the pedal to the floor.

* * *

Dawn was still an hour away when they reached Bobby's house, Sam bounding out of the car and up the steps, pounding on the door.

"Bobby!" he called loudly.

Dean slipped out of the car, pulling Castiel's arm over his shoulder until he could once again lift him in his arms, carrying him up the steps. By then, Bobby had swung the door open.

"What the hell happened!?" Bobby swore when he saw the unconscious angel.

"We went after those demons you told us about and one of them poisoned him."

"Poisoned? An angel?"

"She stabbed him with this." Sam replied, handing Bobby the small blade wrapped in a cloth. The liquid had turned the metal black.

"I'll see if I can find something. In the meantime, let's set him up in the panic room."

"The panic room? Why?" Dean asked.

"Because it's safe, that's why." Bobby snapped. "Sick angel who's got a reputation for wasting demons with the Winchesters? If word gets out…"

Dean nodded. "Castiel's got a big red target on his chest."

"Dean…" Castiel whispered and Bobby sighed.

"Come on."

He led the way downstairs and pulled several blankets out of a cupboard as Dean lay Castiel on the bed, gently. He pulled the angel out of his overcoat and tie, setting them to one side along with his shoes. Castiel was shaking badly and Bobby gingerly laid the blankets over him before pulling his shirt open to see the wound.

The puncture had turned solid black and the veins spreading out from it were swollen and dark beneath the angel's skin.

"That looks bad," Sam said softly. As if in response, Castiel coughed softly, his shaking redoubling. Dean paced behind them, his arms folded over his chest. Bobby ran a hand over his face, frowning.

"If I can figure out what they poisoned him with, maybe we can fix up an antidote,"

"Cas…" Dean started slowly. "Cas said there wasn't a cure. He said he was going to die."

"Well then, he's an idjit and I ain't letting him go out without fighting like hell to keep him. I need someone around who can drink me under the table." Bobby snapped.

Sam stood slowly. "I'll help you look."

"I'll stay here with Cas," Dean said softly and they both nodded, heading up the stairs.

Dean pulled a chair over to the side of the bed, wetting a cloth and laying it over Castiel's forehead.

"Dean…" Castiel murmured feverishly.

"I'm here, Cas," Dean assured him. "And I'm not letting you go anywhere. After all, you got to tell me what that kiss was for."

Maybe he was imagining it but Dean swore he saw Castiel smile, if only just for a moment.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Risk It** **All**

_warning: NC-17_

* * *

Sam spent the entire morning poring over tomes of lore on angels, trying to find anything on a poison that could do what was happening to Castiel or something that might heal him. There wasn't much and even the few Enochian books that Bobby had managed to scrounge up from somewhere were, well, just that: Enochian. And they didn't have any way of translating them as long as Castiel was unconscious.

So he put skills he'd perfected in Latin classes at college and started piecing the language apart, finding corresponding symbols that might represent letters, sounds, trying to find a base he could compare it to. There were definitely Latin influences…or more likely, this was the root language Latin had been based on.

He looked up only when Bobby refilled his coffee mug. "Tell me you've found something."

"Nothin' of interest. The blade is iron but I can't tell what the original elements of the poison are since it mixed with Cas' blood."

Sam sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Don't tell me after all we've been through we're going to lose him."

"No, we're not!" Dean shouted from the stairs. He half-ran the rest of the way up, carrying a mostly empty bottle of whiskey. "We are WINchesters not LOSEchesters, idiot."

Sam blinked at his brother. "Um…what?"

Dean paused for a moment. He really didn't know what he'd been thinking when he'd opened his mouth. He'd stayed up all night watching Castiel, afraid that if he closed his eyes for a second, he'd wake and the angel would be gone.

"I don't know. I'm tired and worried and…"

He trailed off and Bobby pushed a cup of coffee into his hands. "How's Cas?"

Dean shook his head, treating the coffee the same way he did alcohol. Take it all in one gulp. "Not good. His fever's getting worse and he keeps muttering things in Enochian."

"Did you finish the proofing?"

Dean nodded, waving his blood-covered fingers. "No one should be able to find him in there."

"That'll buy us some time but not much," Bobby sighed.

"Well, we'll keep looking. Give me a couple books, I'll read while I'm down there." Dean snapped. "I just came up to get some water for Cas."

Sam sighed, picking up the black blade as Dean went into the kitchen, getting a pitcher of water and a clean cloth. He turned the blade over in his hands. Bobby had gotten as much of the poison off of it before cleaning it and Sam noticed a tiny etching in the hilt, facing the blade. Recognizing the familiar pattern, he leaned in closer.

"It's a flower."

Bobby looked up. "What is?"

"There's a flower etched into the hilt."

He turned the blade so Dean and Bobby could see.

"That's an amaranth."

"Amaranth?" Dean repeated, following Bobby as he got to his feet, pulling out a leather-bound book, searching for a passage.

"I can't believe I missed they were talking about angels."

"What?"

Bobby turned and offered Dean the book.

"Here, it's a Roman myth about tricking the winged messengers of a false god into drinking a poison they call 'Inferi Alati.'"

"'Hell of the Winged One,'" Sam translated.

"That's what the bitch said!" Dean exclaimed. "'Burn in hell, feathers.'"

"The poison is holy oil and amaranth petals." Bobby continued. "Apparently, a Roman king found a winged man in bed with his daughter and invited him to dinner, tricking him into drinking a poison of gods' oil and the never-fading flower. It turned the angel's skin to fire and consumed him."

"Is there anything in there about what we can do to fix Cas?"

A loud wail interrupted them and all three raced downstairs, Dean leading the way. He skidded to a stop next to Castiel whose very skin seemed to be steaming. The angel was writhing in pain, howling.

"Dammit! He's burning up! Literally!" He tried to grab Cas and recoiled, waving his hand, the skin red. Gritting his teeth, he wrapped Castiel tightly in a blanket and hauled him up.

"Sam! Cut the shower on!" Bobby called and Sam ran upstairs to do so.

Dean carried Castiel to the shower as fast as he could, the heat burning through the blanket but Dean ignored the pain, falling into the shower with the angel tucked against his chest. The room filled with steam the moment the cold water hit Castiel's skin and slowly, Castiel started to cool off. Dean shook the water out of his eyes, Castiel resting against him. Sam breathed a sigh of relief, sinking to sit on the floor in the doorway.

"Dean," Castiel said softly, actually sounding conscious for the first time in hours.

"I'm here, Cas."

"Kill me, please."

Dean jerked, staring down at Castiel who looked up at him weakly.

"What? No!"

Sam stood, walking over to the shower.

"You do not understand." Castiel continued. "I told you I cannot be cured."

"We know what the poison is, Inferi Alati, and we'll find a way to fix you."

Castiel shook his head slowly. "The only way would be for an angel to trade places with me and no angel would do so nor would I allow them to do so. Inferi Alati can take weeks or months to kill and every moment will be agony."

"Cas, I can't…" Dean protested.

Castiel looked at him seriously for a long moment then nodded. "I know."

He sighed, the water still steaming off of his skin. Dean made no effort to move, looking up at his brother.

"We're not giving up."

Sam shook his head. "No, we won't. I'll keep looking."

He walked quickly out of the bathroom, heading back to the library to do more research. Alone, Dean sighed, shaking his head against the steady stream of cold water.

"Castiel…"

"You have not called me that in many months," Castiel noted quietly from Dean's chest.

"It's like calling Sam 'Samuel.' It's supposed to get your attention."

Castiel lifted his head, looking up at him. "You always have my attention."

Dean's lips quirked in an almost smile. He couldn't believe he was here, with a _guy_ in a shower and about to ask the one question that never made any sense to him. Why would you ever ask 'why?'

"Why did you kiss me?"

Dean watched Castiel closely and the angel seemed resigned to his answer, dropping his head in shame.

"I am sorry, Dean. I betrayed your trust."

"What?"

"I became curious and spied on your dreams."

Dean swallowed hard. Castiel had _seen?_ But then Castiel looked up again, that soulful look that always made his heart skip a beat.

"I did particularly like the ones with me in them."

Dean blushed, his heart now pounding furiously against his chest. "Oh, you liked that, did you?"

"Yes."

Dean cupped Castiel's cheek in his heads, seeing the sudden hope that the angel was unable to hide. He was trembling suddenly and it had nothing to do with the cold water. He'd never thought, in his entire life, he would even be thinking about being with a man. And even then, Castiel wasn't a man, he was an angel. A whole new boundary Dean never thought he'd cross. If Castiel had taken a female vessel, would he be hesitating? He was suddenly aware that Castiel was following his train of thoughts at the fleeting sadness in the angel's eyes, a sadness that hurt him more than he was willing to bear.

"To hell with it," He hissed before crushing his lips against Castiel's. Once again, kissing Castiel sent a whirlwind through him, he felt the angel in his very soul and could swear he felt feathers brushing against his skin.

Quiet as a mouse, Bobby pulled the door to the bathroom closed so as not to disturb the two in the shower.

Castiel whined, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck and Dean pushed the now sodden blanket to the side, rolling Castiel beneath him in the tub. He reached up, pulling the shower door closed. Whatever had just happened to Castiel had left his clothes in scorched tatters and Dean pulled them away with little trouble. Against the cold water, Castiel was barely more than unusually warm. Dean smiled at the angel's now naked form and bent to kiss him again. Castiel tightened his grip around Dean's shoulders, kissing him back hungrily. Dean remembered, grinning, that this was Castiel's first experience ever, in a lifetime spanning several thousand years, getting any sexual attention. It really deserved more than a quick fuck in Bobby's shower.

"I don't care," Castiel said quickly, already achingly hard. He was tired of excuses, tired of waiting. He'd been waiting his entire lifetime for this moment and he wanted it now.

Dean frowned, his gaze falling on the black wound in the angel's chest, the Inferi Alati that was slowly killing him. Before he could think further, Castiel pulled himself up, kissing him determinedly and Dean groaned softly, cradling Castiel's head in his hands, sliding his tongue past the angel's lips. He felt the angel's groan against his chest and lay Castiel back as the angel slid a leg to either side of his waist. Castiel fisted his hands in Dean's shirt, pulling the dark fabric over his head. Dean caught the angel's urgency, helping to rid himself of his shirt as he noted having an erection in soaking wet jeans was one of the most uncomfortable things he'd ever experienced.

"Take them off then." Castiel commanded and Dean lifted himself up to do so, unbuttoning his jeans and roughly working them down to his knees. He pushed his hips forward, taking both their erections in hand and Dean relished the look of surprise and wonder on Castiel's face as for the first time someone worshipped his body as it was _meant_ to be worshipped.

Castiel fought to contain himself, body and voice, beneath Dean's experienced hand. His hands clenched and unclenched against Dean's skin and he could not look away from the lust on Dean's face. Lust directed towards him. Dean ran a hand up his chest, stopping to pinch and roll his nipple between his fingers. Castiel whined, his eyes fluttered against the sensations but he was determined to keep Dean in his sight lest it all fade away.

Dean was already panting, somehow every sensation was more pronounced, the slightest touch coursing through him, dancing across his soul. He could feel tiny pinpricks of pleasure all over his body and noticed the water wasn't beating down as heavily on him. Something brushed over his shoulder and he was distinctly aware that it felt like wet feathers. Castiel started to say something but it was lost in a muted cry and the angel grit his teeth once again, struggling to remain silent lest Bobby and Sam hear them.

"Dean," Castiel hissed and Dean understood. He was already unbelievable close himself.

The water made both their bodies slick and Castiel drew his knees to his chest as Dean released him, sliding his hand down to the angel's entrance. He drew his finger over the puckered hole and Castiel whined in longing, his eyes fluttering. Dean watched him carefully as he slid a single finger inside, pulsing gently as Castiel trembled. This was definitely not his first time having sex but it was his first with a man/angel and he wasn't going to mess it up for Castiel.

Castiel gave no sign of pain with the first finger, only rocked his hips slightly, his hand dipping down to brush against Dean's wrist, encouraging. He slowly added a second finger and Castiel suddenly let his head fall back, panting open-mouthed.

"Dean, I am not going to _break._"

Dean smiled, adding a third finger and soon Castiel was rocking against his hand. Dean took the angel's cock in hand, lightly stroking as he stretched him but Castiel gave no signs of pain or displeasure, only struggling to keep his eyes open.

"You can close your eyes," Dean whispered seductively, working his fingers in and out of Cas' ass. Castiel shook his head quickly.

"…want to see…" he panted. "Please…Dean…I need…"

Dean smiled, brushing his lips over the angel's. Castiel mewled softly when he removed his fingers but Dean was quick to give him something else to fill him up. He gave himself a couple quick strokes before lining himself up, slowly pushing himself inside Castiel's ass.

And very nearly came from the sensation itself, tight wet heat surrounding his cock as Castiel clenched around him, trembling. Castiel was biting his lip to keep from making a single noise and he shuddered, the pinpricks cascading over Dean again. Castiel slowly opened his eyes once again, sliding his hands up Dean's arms to his shoulders and Dean was once again aware of wet feathers sliding over his back.

"It's your _wings._" Dean suddenly realized, turning his head to the side. Castiel nodded and Dean found if he looked hard enough, he could see the outline of the angel's wings against the shower door. He imagined what they might look like, penned inside the small shower.

Castiel whined and shifted his hips, reminding Dean what he should be doing. Dean kissed him firmly, running his tongue along the seam of his lips and Cas parted them, letting Dean explore his mouth. Dean was dimly aware of the angel's inexperience as Castiel cautiously laid his tongue against Dean's but was also a fast learner, soon following Dean's example.

They broke apart when Dean slowly drew out then pushed their hips together once more, Castiel's head falling back as he set a slow pace that had the angel shivering and fighting back moans. Dean gasped when Castiel wrapped his arms tightly around Dean's shoulders, his fingers hooking into his back. Wherever the angel touched him, he felt his skin burn, his soul alight. What more, Castiel was never still. His hands roamed over Dean's back and up through his hair, down his chest and around again as if Castiel were seeking to commit him to memory. His thighs gripped his waist, his heels digging into the small of Dean's back, pulling him in deeper with every thrust. The angel soon had him panting and shivering against the vast ecstasy Castiel seemed willing to provide.

Never before, Dean had to admit, never before had sex been like this. He didn't know if it was because Cas was an angel or because it was Cas but it was the most incredible thing he'd ever felt and he wished to God it never had to end. Castiel's feathers danced along his spine, filling him, and his orgasm caught him completely without warning. Castiel gave a mute cry at the new heat, his body clenching around Dean, milking him dry. Amazingly still hard, Dean kept moving through his orgasm, his hand going to Castiel's cock, pulling him towards completion.

Soon Castiel's roaming slowed until he was clinging to Dean tightly, panting an almost steady stream of Enochian in his ear, only stuttered with his breath. Dean opened his eyes against Castiel's shoulder and saw a strange, swirling glow beneath the angel's skin. Castiel moaned softly beneath his hand and the light grew in intensity. Dean squeezed his eyes shut, sliding an arm beneath Castiel, pulling him up for better leverage.

His hand brushed between Castiel's shoulder blades and Castiel gave a short sudden cry, his body arching, coming hard in Dean's hand. When he did, the light burned bright, bursting out and through Dean, bringing him to completion instantly. A wall of pure bliss overtook him and all he saw was white for instant.

When he came to, the room was dark and Castiel was panting beneath him. Dean pushed himself up onto his hands, taking in the sated look on the angel's face, drops of water beading on the angel's skin. The shower had stopped, water dripping onto the tile. He bent, brushing his lips over Castiel's and Cas purred in approval.

"Guys, are you okay? The power's out and Bobby went to check the breakers."

"Yeah, we're fine." Dean answered his brother, somewhat breathily. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Can you find some clothes for Cas? Whatever it was scorched his up pretty bad. And bring me some dry ones."

"Sure thing," Sam answered from beyond the door and Dean heard him moving away.

Castiel suddenly coughed and blood blossomed at his lips. It all came rushing back in an instant. Castiel was dying and there wasn't anything he could do about it. He was going to lose Cas when he had just found this new level in their relationship. Dean fought back the tears, kissing Castiel gently, tasting blood. Castiel smoothed his hair soothingly.

"It is okay, Dean," Castiel said softly then added. "That was…pleasant."

"Just pleasant?" Dean scoffed, shaking his head. "And that was so not fair."

Castiel looked confused and Dean huffed. "That was your first time having sex. Ever."

"Yes."

"And I came twice to your one."

"I am an angel," Castiel said shortly as if this explained everything. "It is to be expected that I would have greater stamina."

Dean scowled. "Like I said, so not fair."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Dead End**

* * *

Sam appeared moments later with a shirt, jeans, and boxers for Dean and a dark green shirt and plaid lounge pants that Bobby had provided for Castiel. If Sam had any questions as to why Castiel was naked, he didn't voice them. Their first attempt to dress the angel failed miserably for as soon as Castiel was standing on his feet by himself, he toppled to one side. Sam barely caught him before he crashed into the sharp edge of the counter and then held him up while Dean got his clothes on.

By then, Castiel was shivering once again and Sam carried him back downstairs while Dean changed clothes.

"Don't worry, Cas," Sam started unexpectedly. "We'll figure something out. We won't let you die."

Castiel opened his eyes weakly as Sam pulled the blankets up to his chest. "Why? You do not care for me."

Sam looked taken aback, his eyes widening momentarily in surprise. "What makes you think that?

"You have only ever once acted happy to see me when I come to help. You are always more resigned."

"It was the Apocalypse and I was in demon blood rehab constantly. I do care about you, Castiel. All you've done for me and Dean, all you gave up, it's…there's nothing we can do to repay you. Not even this, not even saving you would be enough."

Castiel looked at him strangely and started to say something but his breath hitched and he coughed violently. Sam caught his hand, supporting his head while he coughed. There was a strange rustling sound, like a bird fluffing its feathers, and Castiel fell back gasping against the bed. Sam noticed he shifted partially to one side before he relaxed. The rustling sound came again and Sam felt a small wind.

"You and Dean both seem surprised to find my wings are not contained by this vessel." Cas murmured softly.

"I guess…" Sam whispered. "Because we can't see them…it's easy to think they aren't there."

Cas opened his eyes a slit and then concentrated, a soft glow surrounding him then flowing down his wings, bringing them into the physical world rather than the surreal. Sam's eyes widened as he was suddenly surrounded by thick white feathers and Cas' awkward sleeping position made sense. He reached out slowly towards the nearest wing and the feathers stirred almost in warning. Sam was aware Castiel was watching him closely.

"…can I?"

Castiel regarded him silently for a moment before sighing. "I suppose. It may be unpleasant."

Sam shook his head. There was no way it could be unpleasant. Castiel sighed, shaking his head. How could he make Sam understand?

"You don't understand. My wings contain my grace and connect me to Heaven and my power. If you contact them, you will get a sense of what that feels like. They are also extremely sensitive. If you must touch them, do so _very_ lightly."

Sam swallowed hard at Castiel's warning. He wanted to run his fingers through the silken feathers but instead he adjusted his aim for the end of a single feather. He noticed that the glow around them dimmed slightly and Castiel was watching him closely. He got the sudden feeling that this was far more intimate than he understood and that Castiel was being extremely trusting.

His fingertip brushed against the tip of a feather and for an instant, he saw the earth as Castiel saw it. Light flooded through him, filling him, burning and yet joyous all at once. He was soaring, he was everywhere and nowhere and…

Like a flash it was gone and Sam realized Castiel had removed his wings from his reach and that the angel's shivering was worse now.

"Cas!" Sam ran his hand over the angel's forehead where he'd broken out in a sweat.

"I told you," Castiel snapped, his face contorted with displeasure. "They are sensitive."

"I'm sorry," Sam grabbed the cloth Dean had been using and dabbed at the angel's forehead. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You did not _hurt_ me, Sam," Castiel stated with an air of humor in his tone as if the idea that Sam could harm him was laughable. He paused, searching for how he wanted to explain. "You…um, _groped_ me."

Sam pursed his lips, blushing a furious red. "But…wings aren't…sexual…"

"It is not a direct comparison but my wings are the most intimate part of my true visage."

Sam blushed deeper if that were possible. Castiel laughed lightly at the large man's awkwardness and tried to push himself up to comfort him, letting his wings fall back into the spiritual world.

"It's okay, Sam."

"Hey, is everything okay?" Dean asked, coming down the stairs pulling his shirt over his head.

"Yeah," Sam stood awkwardly. "I was just…and Cas…um…yeah, I'm gonna go back upstairs now."

Dean watched his brother head out of the panic room and back upstairs before turning to Cas.

"What just happened?"

"Sam touched my wing without realizing."

"Without realizing what?"

"Without realizing touching my wing would be the equivalent of someone touching your penis."

Dean blinked in surprise then laughed out, sitting on the bed next to Castiel. He shook with laughter before shifting to face Castiel, brushing the angel's hair from his face. Castiel couldn't help but lean into his touch.

"So it's like Vulcan hand sex but with wings?"

"I don't understand that reference." Castiel said softly, his eyes closed as he relished the feel of Dean's hand in his hair. Dean laughed lightly.

"You, me…Star Trek marathon. It's happening."

Castiel looked amused despite his confusion and he reached up to take Dean's hand.

"I am sorry I asked you to kill me. I should have known better."

"Yeah, really," Dean said softly, his eyes sad for a moment. "We're Winchesters. We don't give up on each other."

"I am not a Winchester."

"Close enough," Dean shrugged, the angel's protest unimportant. "I'm going to take care of you, Cas."

He started to lean in and Castiel looked up hopefully then turned his head away when Bobby came down the stairs.

"Guys, I hate to interrupt but a friend of mine just called from a couple towns over. Looks like they've got a demon loose."

Dean looked up at Bobby, hesitant to move. "Bobby, we can't leave Cas."

Bobby sighed. "I'll keep an eye on him. There's nothing we can do right now and they need some help."

"Go." Castiel said firmly, giving Dean a light push. "I will be here when you get back."

Dean sighed, giving Castiel's hand a squeeze before jogging up the stairs, calling for Sam. Bobby and Castiel shared a long look.

"Thank you for closing the door."

Bobby blinked in surprise. "You noticed?"

Castiel looked confused. "Why do you three continue to underestimate me? I am an angel of the Lord."

Bobby shook his head and sighed. "You realize you can't die now. He needs you more than he realizes."

Castiel smiled weakly. "I will do all that I can to assist you in finding a cure. I do not wish to die."

Bobby nodded slowly, lifting the book he was carrying. "Then maybe you can help me translate this."

The roar of the Impala was clear above them and Bobby sighed. "I don't like sending them out on no sleep."

"Do not worry," Castiel said softly. "I took care of that. They will be fine."

Bobby nodded and pulled a chair over to Castiel's bed, opening the book.

"It looks like spells and sigils but it's all…"

"Enochian. How did you get this?" Castiel asked in wonder.

"Fell from heaven, I suppose." Bobby shrugged. "Ellen found it beneath her shop, buried in a lockbox. I never took it out until now. I recognized the Angel-Banishing sigil you used. It was inscribed on the box."

Castiel took the book from him and Bobby frowned when the angel's hands shook at the book's simple weight. He opened it slowly then blinked, the book falling from his hands into his lap as pain seared through his forehead. Bobby was there in an instant, gripping his shoulders.

"You okay, boy?"

Castiel shook his head, his voice high and distressed. "It's not Enochian…put it back, please, Bobby. Put it back in the box. What is it with you humans and always opening what is meant to be left alone!?"

Castiel shoved the book off the bed and onto the floor before he huddled in on himself, shivering. Bobby needed no second urging, picking the book up and carrying it upstairs, setting it back in the wooden box and locking it. The sigils fell back into place and he sighed, setting the box on the top shelf of his bookcase.

"Let's try something else then."

* * *

Dean and Sam were not even two miles from the house when Dean slammed on brakes. A huge black plume smoke barreled towards them, flanked by two more off road. The smoke slammed into the car before Dean could shift into reverse, knocking it back and flipping it over twice before it rolled to a stop right-side up. The smoke surged on towards Bobby's house.

"Bobby!" Sam cried, blood dripping down his forehead.

"CAS!" Dean yelled. He shifted back into gear, gunning the Impala back towards the house.

* * *

Bobby had brought down a few more books and Cas has one spread open in his lap, reading quietly. Suddenly, Cas looked up from the book and dropped it, tossing back the blankets as he hurriedly got to his feet. They immediately caved beneath him and Bobby caught him.

"What is it?"

Castiel raised his hand towards the iron vault door and it slammed shut, the lock sliding into place.

"Demons." He said shortly. "Close your eyes."

"No!" Bobby cried. "You can't go out there, ya idjit! You can't even stand up!"

Cas pushed himself up and raised his hand to Bobby's chest and Bobby slid back several feet. Cas stood alone, albeit shakily, and raised his head to the ceiling. A second later, his vessel collapsed to the floor and Bobby shielded his eyes as an insanely bright light burst upwards through the ceiling and through his house, somehow leaving everything intact.

Bobby ran over to the crumpled body, shaking his shoulder lightly. "Cas?"

The vessel blinked and Bobby knew it wasn't Castiel from the look on his face. Jimmy Novak opened his eyes and looked around, confused, then up towards the ceiling. "What the hell is he doing?"

* * *

Dean slammed on brakes as a bright light burst upwards through the smoke. He shielded his eyes from the glare, tears rolling down his cheeks from the heat.

"Dean, shut your eyes!" He heard Sam yell but he refused to look away.

As his eyes tried to filter the light, he noticed it was pulsing, almost like wing beats. It slowed its rise a mile above Bobby's house, the smoke rising with it. Dean shoved the door of the Impala open, staggering against the surging wind the seemed to both suck him towards and push him away from the clash of angel versus demon.

"CASTIEL!" He screamed.

The light grew and pulsed and grew and Dean knew Castiel was fighting, fighting for them, fighting for Bobby, fighting for his life.

"Dean!" Sam shouted, holding onto the car door against the wind.

_I'm here, Cas. I'm here, I'm right here. _Dean chanted, ever looking on.

The light seemed to fold in on itself and the smoke grew thick around it. Then it exploded and Dean cried out in pain and loss, falling to his hands and knees against the light that shone through him and all around him. The world turned to shades of gray against the bright white of the burning light.

Sam opened his eyes as the light began to fade, the smoke falling in burning chunks, all dead, and in the middle what looked like a tiny twinkling star was falling rapidly, falling straight for Bobby's.

"No! Castiel!" Jimmy cried, pushing away from Bobby and grabbed the nearest sharp object, a razor on the table. He carved a sigil into his chest and pressed his hand to it.

Sam watched as the star blinked out of existence and felt a sudden loss. It couldn't be, no, Castiel couldn't be dead. He ran around the car, picking up Dean as tears streamed down his face. Dean's eyes were tightly closed, the skin around them blistered and bloody. Checking Dean's eyes, Sam found them blood red, the veins having burst, but at least they were still there.

He helped Dean to the passenger seat and gunned the Impala towards Bobby's. The car shook with the effort but loyally moved forward. Dean panted, leaning against the window as he shivered against the pain.

"Sammy…is Cas…is Cas okay?"

"I can't tell," Sam answered honestly as they pulled back into the drive at Bobby's house.

Bobby watched as the light fell once again and appeared to be sucked into Jimmy's body. Jimmy stumbled and leaned against the wall for a second.

"I caught him…" Jimmy breathed. "He's fine, I've got him."

"How did you know to do that?" Bobby asked quickly, helping Jimmy upstairs to the kitchen.

"I asked Castiel to teach me a few things. For when, if, he decides to go back to heaven. Please tell me you have a cheeseburger."

"I'll get you one, kid. Here, drink this first."

Bobby poured him a hefty glass of whiskey and Jimmy turned it up gratefully. "There's a sigil for dragging an angel out of their vessel and there's one for pulling him back in too. I used that one to pull Castiel back into me so he didn't fall."

"Is he okay?"

Jimmy tilted his head, his gaze turning inward. "He's…alive. I think he gave off all his power at once to kill all those demons and then passed out. He's poisoned, right?"

Bobby nodded and put some leftover cheeseburger patties in the microwave.

Jimmy nodded, pouring himself some more whiskey. "I think he'll come to again but right now, he's really weak."

They both looked up at the sound of Sam calling from the driveway. Bobby and Jimmy both hurried out as Sam helped Dean from the car.

"What happened!?" Bobby cried, pulling Dean's arm over his shoulder and helping Sam carry him up the steps.

"Dean watched Castiel fight the demons. He wouldn't look away."

"Does he still have eyes?"

Sam nodded. "They're just busted all to hell."

"Bobby, do you have an ice pack? I've got first-aid training," Jimmy offered and Sam gave him an odd look before recognition dawned.

"Jimmy, how are you?"

"Not dead." Jimmy said shortly. "And Cas is fine, before you ask. Just weak."

Dean had passed out by the time they got him inside and Jimmy cleaned and wrapped his eyes, laying the ice pack over them as Dean slept on the couch.

"Cas should be able to heal him when he wakes up. We should probably move though."

Bobby shook his head. "No, that was a one-KO attack to kill Castiel. They wouldn't have much of a back-up plan and after Cas squashed'em like that, not even at his full strength, they won't be back for more."

"Shouldn't you patch that up?" Sam noted, pointing to Jimmy's bloody chest. Jimmy shrugged. "Cas'll probably take care of it when he wakes up."

"How does he feel?"

Jimy closed his eyes momentarily, his thoughts turning inward. "Not good. Normally, he's bright, so bright I can barely stay awake when he's in control. But now…he's like a cinder, a barely glowing coal. He feels exhausted…and cold."

He gave an involuntary shudder. "Maybe I will patch myself up. Save him the trouble."

Later, as Jimmy polished off his fourth cheeseburger, Sam and Bobby poured over the Enochian texts. They were no closer to translating it and without Cas, it was like catching the wind with a butterfly net.

"He's getting brighter," Jimmy informed them from the doorway, licking ketchup from his fingers. "He should be up and about by morning."

"Thanks, Jimmy," Sam said quietly, rubbing his eyes.

"What're you trying to do?" Jimmy asked, sitting next to him.

"We're trying to find a way to cure Cas. Hey, um, why is it you seem fine?"

"I'm not fine, I have a killer migraine." At Sam's look, Jimmy shook his head lightly. "It's an angel poison, not a people poison. I'm still Castiel's vessel so it does affect me but nowhere near as much as it does him."

"You don't seem as angry with him as you were before."

Jimmy shrugged. "We've been through a lot together since then and he's been letting me do some stuff with my family. I got to go to Claire's Father-Daughter dance a few months back. That was really nice. All in all, he likes being here on Earth and I guess I like having him around. It does give me the ability to eat 247 cheeseburgers in 36 hours without the painful side effects, you know, like death."

"247?"

"That time with Famine? I was counting. He wasn't." Jimmy grinned. "Now, I am going to pass out because I haven't slept in a year."

Sam laughed lightly and behind them, Dean stirred on the couch. Jimmy waved lightly to Sam, heading downstairs to the panic room to sleep. Sam stood and went to Dean's side as Dean's hand rose to the bandages.

"Leave them alone,"

"What happened? Is Cas okay?" Dean asked quickly, reaching out for Sam as he sat up. Sam caught his hand, trying to push him back down.

"Yes, Cas is fine. Jimmy says he's resting, he burned out a lot of energy defeating those demons."

"Jimmy? He's back?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah. He wrapped your eyes for you. Why did you do that, Dean? You know looking at Cas in his true form could've killed you."

Dean sighed, knowing without having to see the look that Sam was giving him now. "I just wanted to see him. I wanted him to know he wasn't fighting alone."

Sam sighed, gripping his brother's shoulder for a moment. "You could've gotten hurt. Well, you did get hurt but it could've been much worse. You should be more careful."

"I'll be careful when Cas isn't dying." Dean said shortly, crossly, but he let Sam push him back down on the couch.

"Get some rest, Dean. Bobby and I will find a way to help Cas."

Dean wanted to protest but there wasn't much he could do, unable to read or help translate and all their hope lay in the books Bobby and Sam were poring over. He rolled onto his side, ignoring the sting of his eyes. He wished it was Castiel downstairs and not Jimmy so that he could've gone down to him, curl up next to him, and pretend everything was okay. His angel hadn't been gone but a couple hours but it felt like days. _His_ angel…he almost laughed at the thought. What was coming over him?

So he had a long span of sex dreams concerning one Castiel, angel of the Lord, and it turned out that Castiel thought acting out those dreams was a brilliant idea. And yes, sex with Castiel was incredibly beyond incredible. There were no words to describe it, at least, not in English. Maybe Enochian or…something. But where did they go from here? It couldn't be just sex, especially not for Cas, and definitely not for him. Castiel was already so much more to him than just an angel and this new connection between them felt like it had somehow always been there.

Dean fell asleep and for the first time in many nights he did not dream of fucking Castiel. Instead, he dreamed of loving him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: One Step** **Forward**

_warning: NC-17_

* * *

Jimmy was right and by morning, Castiel had recovered enough to wake. While Jimmy slept, Castiel retook control of the vessel, pushing himself up to sit on the edge of the bed. It wasn't quite dawn yet that he could sense and the house was quiet. Looking up, he could hear Bobby's soft snores, the man asleep in his chair.

Castiel slowly got to his feet, surprised when they were steady beneath him, and pulled up his shirt to see the wound. The sudden release of his angelic power had forced some of the poison back but it would return. In the mean time, he would take advantage of the reprieve. He let his grace flow through Jimmy's body, healing the sigil away and taking care of any minor fatigue or injuries.

He carefully made his way upstairs, pausing in the library to touch both Bobby and Sam, healing their exhaustion and the minor injuries Sam had sustained in the car accident. Bobby's snores grew louder as he fell into a deeper sleep and Sam pulled the book he was using for a pillow closer. Castiel allowed himself a small smile before slipping into the living room.

His heart clenched at the sight of the bandages wrapped around Dean's head. He suddenly remembered the voice he'd heard as he fought against the demons.

_I'm here, Cas. I'm here, I'm right here._

"Dean," he gasped, hurrying to the sleeping man's side. He touched Dean's forehead before pulling the bandages away, double checking the now smooth skin to make sure his grace had worked and that Dean was whole. Woken by his urgency, Dean blinked sleepily, green eyes now undamaged, glowing emerald in the new sunlight.

"You fool," Castiel whispered, cupping Dean's face in his hands and Dean smirked.

"Worried about me losing my good looks, Cas?"

"I do not worry about your 'looks.'" Castiel stated firmly and Dean smiled, reaching up to gently brush his thumb against Castiel's cheek, his gaze fond. As warmth filled him at the sight of the angel unharmed, for most part, Dean knew his late night musings were dead on. This was so much more than just sex.

"Did you ever think it was?" Castiel asked softly, confused and Dean frowned.

"You're reading my thoughts again. You were doing it in the shower too."

Castiel sighed. "You do not understand, Dean. I cannot simply turn off my ability to hear your thoughts and attempting to ignore one who voices his emotions as exuberantly as you do, even internally, it's…"

He trailed off at the look Dean was giving him and frowned. "You think extremely loudly."

"Well, I'll try to tone it down." Dean huffed.

"And I will try not to listen." Castiel offered, placating, and Dean softened, sitting up and taking Castiel's hand. He glanced over at the sleeping Bobby and Sam before nodding his head towards the door.

"Let's go for a walk."

Among the broken and busted cars, Dean and Castiel wandered for a few minutes. Castiel stumbled once, nearly coming to the end of the reprieve that the battle had offered him, the Inferi Atali creeping back into his system. But Dean just wrapped an arm around his waist and held him until they could continue.

Lost in the forest of cars, Dean finally slowed and turned to face Castiel, wrapping his arms around the angel's waist and stepping closer until he could rest his forehead against Castiel's. Surprised as he was by Dean's willingness to be so close to him, Castiel was still far from protesting, wrapping his arms around Dean's shoulders.

"No, I really didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"I didn't think it was just about sex. Even when they were just dreams, what scared me was how happy I was in them…with you."

"Being with me scares you."

Dean shook his head firmly and Castiel fought the urge to peer into his thoughts, seeking out the meaning he had difficulty portraying. Dean's grip tightened on his waist and Castiel shifted against him, their chests pressed firmly together. He could feel how hard Dean's heart was pounding and he rubbed soothing circles over the hunter's shoulders.

"Being…happy?...scares you?"

Dean lifted his head, his eyes bright with unshed tears. "Happy just doesn't work for me, it never has. I try to live a normal life and I nearly get Lisa and Ben killed. And you…you're an _angel_, Cas! There's like…three things in the whole universe that can kill you and since you've met me…Rafael killed you, then Lucifer, and then the whole mess with Crowley and Purgatory, and now…this Inferi Atali bullshit…it's all my fault."

Castiel grabbed Dean, pulling him down and kissing him fiercely, going on instinct and what little experience he'd gained in his short time on Earth. Dean tightened his grip on the angel's waist, lifting him until his toes barely touched the ground. For a moment, Castiel kissed him with everything he had in him, rolling Dean's lip between his teeth and earning a groan before Dean forced his lips open, plundering his mouth and Castiel moaned against him, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

"None of that is your fault," Castiel said firmly when Dean finally let him go, breathing heavy. He brushed the tears from Dean's cheek with his thumb. "We fought together in many battles and I was not the only angel who lost their life in those wars. If I had fought anywhere other than by your side, it is still likely I would have died."

Dean still looked unconvinced and Castiel gave him a soft smile. "And as of yet, we may still find a way to cure my current affliction."

"So you're not going to die now?" Dean added with a hair of sarcasm.

"No," Castiel lied with a smile on his face. "Never again will you lose me."

"Good, because I'd really rather keep you."

Dean gave him a broad grin, kissing him fiercely, and somehow knowing in his heart Castiel was lying to make him feel better. It was so caring, so…human. He felt Cas just touch his lips with his tongue and he parted his lips, letting the angel explore his mouth. He felt oddly proud as the angel soon had him moaning with need and when he delved his tongue into Castiel's mouth, Castiel tightened his lips, sucking on his tongue and Dean groaned deeply. He pushed Castiel back against the hood of the nearest car and heard Castiel's wings rustle as he adjusted to being flat on his back.

Suddenly, Dean remembered what Cas had said about his wings and how Cas had reacted in the shower when he'd touched his back.

"Not here."

"What?" Dean looked up in surprise from kissing Castiel's neck to see a look of discomfort on his angel's face.

"Not here. There is a strange presence here that I do not like."

"Like…'should I get my gun' presence or 'this is just awkward' presence?"

Castiel regarded him for a moment as if he were surprised Dean would need a gun with his angel so close. "Awkward. This entire place…has been christened by someone else."

"You mean…someone else has been out here having sex?"

"Yes…everywhere."

Dean looked distastefully around him. "Really, Bobby? Out here is where you bring your dates?"

He only had a second to wonder because the next Castiel touched his shoulder and they were in a forest, Castiel resting on a bed of fir branches and Dean above him on his knees.

"Where are we?" Dean blinked, almost getting to his feet but Castiel was just too pretty lying there beneath him for him to go too far.

"Aokigahara Jukai in Japan," Castiel said calmly. "It was once a common angelic gathering place and legend surrounds it. Rarely do people delve so far into it as we are."

"Right. Over."

Castiel looked at him confused and Dean bent to kiss him, pushing his tongue past Castiel's lips and sliding his hand beneath the angel's shirt, teasing a nipple between his thumb and forefinger until Castiel was squirming beneath him. He pulled the shirt over Castiel's head and kissed him once more.

"Roll over." He breathed against Castiel's lips and Castiel's brow furrowed briefly before doing as he was told, shifting onto his hands and knees. Dean kissed the base of his spine and slid a hand around Cas' waist, teasing the angel's already rock hard erection through the fabric of his pants. He heard Cas' wings rustle as the angel shivered and he continued kissing up his back. Castiel grew tense beneath him as if suddenly understanding his intentions. Dean slid a knee between Castiel's legs, grinding his cock into Castiel's ass and the angel moaned softly. He slowly hooked his thumb into the waistband of the loose cotton pants Castiel wore, sliding them down his hips until he could release Castiel's cock, taking him in hand. Dean only teased him, however, with a few good strokes before releasing him and sliding both hands up his back, pleased with the rustle he heard which he was slowly coming to realize were the true mark of the angel's arousal.

Grinning with his own deviousness, Dean slowly bent, placing a kiss between Castiel's shoulder blades where he assumed his wings would meet.

The reaction was instantaneous. Castiel nearly gave out beneath him, his cry echoing in the empty woods. Dean slid his hand over the area and Castiel gave a keening cry, his head dropping between his shoulders. The strange glow he'd seen before swirled beneath Castiel's skin and as he blinked, Castiel's wings came into focus. At first he thought they were white, bright white, but as he looked closer he realized that instead, they were every color imaginable, burning and boiling together until they appeared white.

Keeping one hand between Castiel's wings, Dean slid a hand from the base of one to the first joint, as far up as he could reach. The feathers slid over his hand like silk and energy coursed down his arm, straight through his body, his hips jerking in pure ecstasy. If he wasn't careful, this plan could backfire. He could already feel the blood pumping through every vein in his body, his breath catching in his chest as the light seemed fit to scorch him from the inside out.

On a positive note, Castiel was melting beneath him, the glow growing brighter beneath his skin and Dean was barely touching his wing. He worked the thin line of skin between Castiel's wings and Castiel turned his face into his shoulder, digging his hands into the undergrowth as he groaned. The angel pushed his hips back against Dean's and Dean grinned at just how worked up Castiel already was.

"Demanding, are we?" he teased and Castiel muttered something Enochian that sounded rather foul even if he didn't know the actual words.

"Hey, language now," Dean laughed and Castiel sighed, grinding his ass back against Dean.

"Like you have any room to speak."

Dean laughed again, kissing the place between Castiel's wings and the angel whined beneath him. He worked the angel's pants down to his knees before unbuttoning his own jeans and pushing them down, freeing his own cock. All the while, he worked his fingers through the feathers on Castiel's wings and the angel was soon rocking their hips together in time with his fingers. With Cas so far gone already, Dean didn't take as much time to prepare him.

Sliding into Cas was still as rapturous as it had been the first time and with the sensations pouring from his attachment to Castiel's wing, Dean knew he wouldn't last long. Castiel was shuddering beneath him and he slid an arm around the angel's chest, pulling him up slightly to help support him. Castiel howled beneath Dean's thrusts as the new position pressed his wings tightly against Dean's chest. Dean wrapped his arm around the nearest wing even as he felt Castiel's wings stretching, unfurling, reaching up into the trees and he hid his face against the angel's neck. The light burned against his eyelids and burst through him, the trees roaring with the rush of wind as Castiel wailed, shuddering around him.

Dean bit into Castiel's shoulder when the angel's orgasm brought him to his own and they fell shuddering to the forest floor. He could feel the light passing through him and he tried to focus on it but it was like trying to catch water in his bare hands. For a moment, the briefest moment, he didn't exist. His physical body didn't exist and there was nothing but light all around him, the world was white.

Then he came crashing back to himself, panting with one hand on the ground to hold himself up, the other wrapped around Castiel's chest. A sound alerted them to another presence and Dean looked up, panting, to see two hikers watching them. They were staring in awe, quite pointedly at the wings still extending from Castiel's back, a smoking joint hanging from the shorter hiker's hand.

"Dude, do you see that?"

Dean frowned as the addressed hiker shook his head, leaning over to take the joint from his partner, crushing it against his boot.

"Yep. We're done."

"Best hallucination ever."

He and Castiel both watched as the two continued hiking down the mountain before Dean laughed, falling to one side as Castiel's wings flickered once and faded out of sight. Sprawled on his stomach, Castiel smiled at him, still breathing heavy.

"Was that…fair?"

Dean laughed. "One to one, so yeah. Damn, your wings really do turn you on."

"A rather unexpected development," Castiel noted before pushing himself up onto his hands, pulling his pants up and finding his shirt, sliding it on. "We should get back. Bobby is looking for us."

"You can tell that? We're halfway across…"

He looked around as they were suddenly lying in the dust of Bobby's junkyard, Bobby himself a few yards away. Dean hurried to pull his pants up, glaring at Castiel the entire time. Bobby came rushing over as Dean got to his feet, already stammering in an effort to explain. Bobby ignored him, helping Castiel to his feet.

"How the hell am I supposed to fix Castiel if you keep dragging him off to roll around in the dirt?"

Dean looked at him, his eyes wide and jaw dropped. "Wait…what?"

"Oh, you think I'm an idjit? Think I don't know what you and Cas are doing in my own house?"

"He closed the bathroom door." Castiel offered to the still gaping Dean.

"And…you don't care?" Dean asked softly.

"The only reason I care…" Bobby snapped. "…is because Castiel is poisoned and needs rest, not to have his heels tucked behind his head! If anything, I need him to translate Enochian so I can maybe figure out a way to cure him. As of now…" he pointed a finger at Dean. "…you're celibate."

"Wait…" Castiel protested. "Don't you think that's a little far?"

He barely got the sentence out of his mouth before he doubled over in a coughing fit. Dean took over his weight from Bobby, carrying him into the house. Bobby and Dean exchanged a look and Dean dropped his head, thoroughly chastised. He went to fetch Castiel some water while Bobby sat next to Castiel on the couch.

"Why do you let him wear you out?"

Castiel laughed lightly. "I am dying, Bobby. Whether you, Sam, or Dean admit it, it is true. And I want as much of Dean Winchester as I can get before my time comes."

"You are going to quit with that and I mean it, kid."

Castiel's brow furrowed in confusion and amusement at being called 'kid' but Bobby just scowled.

"I mean it!"

Castiel let himself fall back against the pillow, sighing. "What do you need me to translate?"

Sam walked in from the kitchen just then, catching the tail end of their conversation. "If you can just help me with some key words and grammar, I might be able to do some translating on my own. And help us pick out which of these sigils might be able to help or not."

Castiel held his hands up for the book and Bobby handed it to him. The angel set it open on his lap and took the water Dean brought him. Dean said something and Castiel laughed, Sam looking at him strangely.

"Since when do you laugh?" Sam teased and Bobby sat down at his desk, looking at the three fondly. His boys. They had always been his boys and he was always fighting to keep one or more of them alive.

Castiel protested being called a kid but that's what he was: a joyful, giddy kid in love for the first time. Bobby smiled as Sam worked on getting Castiel to laugh again which proved to not be that hard. Dean watched both the angel and Sam as if they were his entire world. He'd touch Castiel's shoulder and the back of his hand while lightly punching Sam's shoulder and teasing his brother. Dean suddenly caught his gaze over Sam's shoulder and Bobby nodded to him, giving his silent approval. Dean looked down, trying to hide his relief and happiness.

How could anyone deny that man anything he wanted after all he'd given up? After everything they all had given up?


End file.
